Great great essay. You are a bright light on Substack. Thank you for the clarity and insight. I had several gay friends in the US that I should have had these conversations with and I mourn that I did not.
We had to move to Italy to find a church such as you describe. I pray for the broken churches and their leadership, such as it is, in America; your teaching is sorely needed. Happy New Year and God Bless.
I'm jealous on two accounts, Michelle. The fact that you found a real church, which is rare these days and the cooking that you've been enjoying! Italy is amazing!
Have a blessed year, my friend. Thank you for your kind words
I have forwarded your essays to many friends and family in the U.S. I expect many subscribers to be born from that. And please, don't be jealous about the food - I cannot enjoy it. No gluten, dairy or eggs for me. God required *many* sacrifices for this reward; sickness, suffering, finances and nearly my life. It has been a real and very painful struggle for me and my husband; but all of His best gifts require sacrifice. And.... it was all worth it. If you are headed to Northern Italy, please, come see us!
We have friends who just bought a home there! They are only able to stay 3 months at time, but... my wife has been hinting at a trip! Amen on the struggles, my personal life has been very refining, a deep closeness that many may never know. Very thankful for you Michelle, thank you!
And thankful for you!! Okay, now you can be jealous - hubby has citizenship, (one generation removed from pure Sicilians), and I will be one by years end. So, we never have to leave. 😁
We were kicked out of a church like the negative ones described. I have all but utterly given up on finding a truly GODly church here in America. I know that sounds extreme, but walking with GOD for more than 50 years now, I have only ever wound up hurt by them. I have been saying blurbs of what you stated so eloquently here for about 5 years now. GOD is moving, I believe, in such a way calling those with ears to hear back to HIMSELF. I keep praying for people to have ears to hear.
I sincerely believe the real church is growing, it may be underground but I can feel it in my soul. Thank you for taking the time to comment, Shannon, I greatly appreciate it.
i entirely empathize with what you have said about being hurt in church. in my 60 years of life now, i am convinced that the greatest pain i have every experienced in my life is twofold: 1. the pain of a close loss (my mom's was the most painful of all)l; 2. the pain i have experienced in church.
the sad thing is, even though one belongs to a wonderful and most blessed congregation and church culture (in general), various unexpected actions of believers i love wholeheartedly continue to cause me great pain... to the point that i've been desiring to give up, stop being an elder (and praise & worship leader - i play piano & sing), and stop attending church any longer.
yet, i know that's EXACTLY what satan desires me to do.
thus, i continue to ask God for the help & healing i need to serve the brethren in the way i still believe He has called me to serve.
hang in there & never give up on God, despite how His children wind up hurting you — pray for them because they are suffering as well.
Thank you for writing on this topic! I am reminded that love is the hallmark, the pursuit that makes us holy and the distinction that makes Him holy! Love aligned with the King expressed to the people in our lives is more than sentiment, it’s the Gospel, the Law, the gateway to new birth & new creation.
Somehow, modern ‘church’ has become incapacitated (and mostly irrelevant) by standing against ‘enemies’ instead of loving them.
thank you Sergio for yet another excellent article/study! some comments, with which i agree in most every case:
“Marriage is not a floating contract… it’s a covenant pattern” — AMEN!
“And the shepherd is not above the sheep.” — sure wish more believers (especially “pastors”) understood that.
“Who has authority… Scripture, or the spirit of the age?” — i would also ask that question unto “pastors” & elders in this way: “Who has authority… elders or the Word of God?” … because in my experience, it appears “pastors” & elders somehow believe their authority goes beyond the purview of their “offices” or “ordinations”.
“That’s why disputes over LGBTQ inclusion in marriage and ordination keep triggering schisms, disaffiliations, and severed ties across networks and denominations. [ref: PBS] [ref: Religion News]” — i remain convinced one of the causes of such is due to the STATE usurping the authority over the individual when it comes to *private* contracts. if the American founders were alive, i believe many of them would be infuriated with the concept of the STATE demanding licenses/permits for marriage. the STATE should have NEVER been given such false authority over ANY private contracts ESPECIALLY marriage. (can you tell this is a hot button issue for me? ;-)
“So a church can say—without contempt and without fear: ‘You are welcome here as an image-bearer, and we will walk with you patiently. But we cannot call holy what Torah calls prohibited, and we cannot ordain leadership that must publicly contradict our reading of Scripture.’”
— i cannot exactly agree with this one, depending upon the sinner’s heart status. for example, does the sinner admit their actions are in fact “sin”, and are they willingly striving to repent of that sin?
there have been instances whereby a son of a couple who attend a church regularly “came out” as homosexual. he didn’t admit this to be a sin he was striving to repent of, but rather his attitude was something to the extent of, “God accepts me the way I am, so you all [the church] must also accept me the way I am”.
this is where the phrase ought to come to mind, “a little sin leavens the whole lump”. shall the congregation continue to allow him to join holy convocations with that kind of rebellious attitude toward God & fellow believers who are striving to repent of their own struggles with sin?
here’s a related yet hypothetical story which i think sheds extra light on such a difficult situation…
a wife travels out of the country to visit with family for a couple months. while away, her husband begins bringing with him to church services a mistress with whom he is obviously committing adultery.
should the elders and congregation welcome him even though he is deliberately bringing his sin into the congregation? of course not.
this seems like a more straight forward situation to answer accordingly. however, is it really any different from anyone bringing any of their sins into the congregation?
as an elder of many years, i struggled with my own sins of the flesh, striving to repent of both occasional porn, and less occasional acts of fornication even though i resisted intercourse, while my prayer was for God to help me find a like-minded wife. i finally did meet my then future wife and i was convicted by God to fully repent of my sexual sins. however, i never exemplified my sin within church, but i did often question whether or not i should have been acting as an elder all that time.
regardless, i agree such a case of a homosexual who is attending church should be handled carefully.
and as you said later in the article, “Correction must be restorative and careful (Matthew 18:15–17; Galatians 6:1–2). No public shaming. No ego. No gossip.”
“Many churches have erased consequence… and then handed authority to one man at the top.
That model is spiritually hazardous.
Biblically, shepherding is accountable, character-qualified, and commonly plural (elders), not a lone celebrity voice (Acts 14:23; Acts 20:28–31; 1 Peter 5:1–4). The qualifications in 1 Timothy 3 and Titus 1 aren’t about stage presence. They’re about self-control, integrity, household order, gentleness without weakness, and the ability to protect the flock without domination.”
— BIG AMEN there! have you check out 119 Ministries studies on this subject? i highly recommend them:
My friend, you are a light on this path of faith for so many to come. I've recently met someone who shed light on some areas of the church I go to, that I had always felt strange about (particularly, the urge for giving financially to a veeeeeery wealthy family), and I can't begin to express the relief that washed over me - knowing that my intuition was pure and true after all. I know now, that you would provide this same relief to many for many different reasons.
Oliver, thank you very much for taking the time to comment. My home mission is to open the eyes of genuine people who love the Lord about these system systems that we’re dealing with! Be blessed my friend!
I really appreciated this reflection. The way you connect the door and the wound reminds me that faith is lived through vulnerability, not just knowing. Our wounds aren’t obstacles but places where God’s covenant and mercy become real. Reading this made me reflect on my own “doors” and how God’s faithfulness meets me even in brokenness.
So-called pastors, all over the place, run the church as business establishment. They let people go (fire them), promote selected, write theologies, and define leadership (truly management) according to their little understanding of the scripture. There is not any room to breath within God's people, much less with outcast that you are touching upon it. Overall, it is a sad story.
Excellently written - walking the narrow path of holiness…perfect.
Great great essay. You are a bright light on Substack. Thank you for the clarity and insight. I had several gay friends in the US that I should have had these conversations with and I mourn that I did not.
We had to move to Italy to find a church such as you describe. I pray for the broken churches and their leadership, such as it is, in America; your teaching is sorely needed. Happy New Year and God Bless.
I'm jealous on two accounts, Michelle. The fact that you found a real church, which is rare these days and the cooking that you've been enjoying! Italy is amazing!
Have a blessed year, my friend. Thank you for your kind words
I have forwarded your essays to many friends and family in the U.S. I expect many subscribers to be born from that. And please, don't be jealous about the food - I cannot enjoy it. No gluten, dairy or eggs for me. God required *many* sacrifices for this reward; sickness, suffering, finances and nearly my life. It has been a real and very painful struggle for me and my husband; but all of His best gifts require sacrifice. And.... it was all worth it. If you are headed to Northern Italy, please, come see us!
We have friends who just bought a home there! They are only able to stay 3 months at time, but... my wife has been hinting at a trip! Amen on the struggles, my personal life has been very refining, a deep closeness that many may never know. Very thankful for you Michelle, thank you!
And thankful for you!! Okay, now you can be jealous - hubby has citizenship, (one generation removed from pure Sicilians), and I will be one by years end. So, we never have to leave. 😁
Love it!
Yes!!! And a blessed new year to you!
We were kicked out of a church like the negative ones described. I have all but utterly given up on finding a truly GODly church here in America. I know that sounds extreme, but walking with GOD for more than 50 years now, I have only ever wound up hurt by them. I have been saying blurbs of what you stated so eloquently here for about 5 years now. GOD is moving, I believe, in such a way calling those with ears to hear back to HIMSELF. I keep praying for people to have ears to hear.
I sincerely believe the real church is growing, it may be underground but I can feel it in my soul. Thank you for taking the time to comment, Shannon, I greatly appreciate it.
I do agree. It just doesn't look like it has all these years. Underground. ❤️
i entirely empathize with what you have said about being hurt in church. in my 60 years of life now, i am convinced that the greatest pain i have every experienced in my life is twofold: 1. the pain of a close loss (my mom's was the most painful of all)l; 2. the pain i have experienced in church.
the sad thing is, even though one belongs to a wonderful and most blessed congregation and church culture (in general), various unexpected actions of believers i love wholeheartedly continue to cause me great pain... to the point that i've been desiring to give up, stop being an elder (and praise & worship leader - i play piano & sing), and stop attending church any longer.
yet, i know that's EXACTLY what satan desires me to do.
thus, i continue to ask God for the help & healing i need to serve the brethren in the way i still believe He has called me to serve.
hang in there & never give up on God, despite how His children wind up hurting you — pray for them because they are suffering as well.
Godbless... 🙏🏼😎❤️♾️
Thank you for writing on this topic! I am reminded that love is the hallmark, the pursuit that makes us holy and the distinction that makes Him holy! Love aligned with the King expressed to the people in our lives is more than sentiment, it’s the Gospel, the Law, the gateway to new birth & new creation.
Somehow, modern ‘church’ has become incapacitated (and mostly irrelevant) by standing against ‘enemies’ instead of loving them.
I love how you put that… couldn’t have picked better words myself!
thank you Sergio for yet another excellent article/study! some comments, with which i agree in most every case:
“Marriage is not a floating contract… it’s a covenant pattern” — AMEN!
“And the shepherd is not above the sheep.” — sure wish more believers (especially “pastors”) understood that.
“Who has authority… Scripture, or the spirit of the age?” — i would also ask that question unto “pastors” & elders in this way: “Who has authority… elders or the Word of God?” … because in my experience, it appears “pastors” & elders somehow believe their authority goes beyond the purview of their “offices” or “ordinations”.
“That’s why disputes over LGBTQ inclusion in marriage and ordination keep triggering schisms, disaffiliations, and severed ties across networks and denominations. [ref: PBS] [ref: Religion News]” — i remain convinced one of the causes of such is due to the STATE usurping the authority over the individual when it comes to *private* contracts. if the American founders were alive, i believe many of them would be infuriated with the concept of the STATE demanding licenses/permits for marriage. the STATE should have NEVER been given such false authority over ANY private contracts ESPECIALLY marriage. (can you tell this is a hot button issue for me? ;-)
“So a church can say—without contempt and without fear: ‘You are welcome here as an image-bearer, and we will walk with you patiently. But we cannot call holy what Torah calls prohibited, and we cannot ordain leadership that must publicly contradict our reading of Scripture.’”
— i cannot exactly agree with this one, depending upon the sinner’s heart status. for example, does the sinner admit their actions are in fact “sin”, and are they willingly striving to repent of that sin?
there have been instances whereby a son of a couple who attend a church regularly “came out” as homosexual. he didn’t admit this to be a sin he was striving to repent of, but rather his attitude was something to the extent of, “God accepts me the way I am, so you all [the church] must also accept me the way I am”.
this is where the phrase ought to come to mind, “a little sin leavens the whole lump”. shall the congregation continue to allow him to join holy convocations with that kind of rebellious attitude toward God & fellow believers who are striving to repent of their own struggles with sin?
here’s a related yet hypothetical story which i think sheds extra light on such a difficult situation…
a wife travels out of the country to visit with family for a couple months. while away, her husband begins bringing with him to church services a mistress with whom he is obviously committing adultery.
should the elders and congregation welcome him even though he is deliberately bringing his sin into the congregation? of course not.
this seems like a more straight forward situation to answer accordingly. however, is it really any different from anyone bringing any of their sins into the congregation?
as an elder of many years, i struggled with my own sins of the flesh, striving to repent of both occasional porn, and less occasional acts of fornication even though i resisted intercourse, while my prayer was for God to help me find a like-minded wife. i finally did meet my then future wife and i was convicted by God to fully repent of my sexual sins. however, i never exemplified my sin within church, but i did often question whether or not i should have been acting as an elder all that time.
regardless, i agree such a case of a homosexual who is attending church should be handled carefully.
and as you said later in the article, “Correction must be restorative and careful (Matthew 18:15–17; Galatians 6:1–2). No public shaming. No ego. No gossip.”
“Many churches have erased consequence… and then handed authority to one man at the top.
That model is spiritually hazardous.
Biblically, shepherding is accountable, character-qualified, and commonly plural (elders), not a lone celebrity voice (Acts 14:23; Acts 20:28–31; 1 Peter 5:1–4). The qualifications in 1 Timothy 3 and Titus 1 aren’t about stage presence. They’re about self-control, integrity, household order, gentleness without weakness, and the ability to protect the flock without domination.”
— BIG AMEN there! have you check out 119 Ministries studies on this subject? i highly recommend them:
The Church: His Model
https://www.119ministries.com/teachings/video-teachings/detail/the-church-his-model/
The Church: His Model FAQ
https://www.119ministries.com/teachings/video-teachings/detail/the-church-his-model-faq/
you’re “plural elders” statements tell me you will agree with 119 Ministries on this matter 100%.
Godbless… 🙏🏼😎❤️♾️
My friend, you are a light on this path of faith for so many to come. I've recently met someone who shed light on some areas of the church I go to, that I had always felt strange about (particularly, the urge for giving financially to a veeeeeery wealthy family), and I can't begin to express the relief that washed over me - knowing that my intuition was pure and true after all. I know now, that you would provide this same relief to many for many different reasons.
Bless you, brother. Thank you for your time. 🙏
Oliver, thank you very much for taking the time to comment. My home mission is to open the eyes of genuine people who love the Lord about these system systems that we’re dealing with! Be blessed my friend!
I really appreciated this reflection. The way you connect the door and the wound reminds me that faith is lived through vulnerability, not just knowing. Our wounds aren’t obstacles but places where God’s covenant and mercy become real. Reading this made me reflect on my own “doors” and how God’s faithfulness meets me even in brokenness.
Amen Amen Amen! That’s it!
So-called pastors, all over the place, run the church as business establishment. They let people go (fire them), promote selected, write theologies, and define leadership (truly management) according to their little understanding of the scripture. There is not any room to breath within God's people, much less with outcast that you are touching upon it. Overall, it is a sad story.
We desperately need change my friend.